5 Point Plan For Fixing Problems In Marriage
Are you facing problems in your marriage and is that affecting everything else in your life?
When there are problems in marriage, there is almost no way to ignore the stress, frustration, hurt and the pain that we feel when things aren’t going good for you with your spouse. No matter what you do and how hard you try to overcome and fix those problems and issues, there may always be constant reminders in your mind that, this is not how it has to be and what you had expected from your marriage and from your spouse.
First and foremost we need to understand the basic fact that every relationship is unique and different, and has its own unique dynamics and challenges. You might be trying to find that “one size fits all” kind of a solution to your problems in marriage. There are however, some fundamental principles that you should follow and adapt to your marriage and relationship.
The more and more you put these concepts into practice in your married life, you will gradually and surely see positive changes happening in your relationship with your spouse and in your marriage.
Below is the 4 point plan that you need to start practicing and putting effort into; to get rid of the problems in marriage.
1 – Be honest and accept your part in the problem:
This is a very important mental aspect towards solving problems in marriage. You first need to realize and accept that you are also a part of the problem you are currently in; in your marriage. You could have either directly or indirectly influenced things in your marriage in a not so good way. If you don’t believe this, then you are in a denial mode either because of your ego or pride.
How much of the blame for the problems in your marriage you share is always open for discussion and is debatable; let’s not do that now. But the point here is; if you are not able to accept at least some responsibility for your part, you will have a really tough time going forward in your marriage and you might not make any real progress towards a solution for all your troubles and problems in your marriage. Never get into the mode thinking who is “more” responsible for the troubles and problems in your relationship.
Let’s face the truth, the only person whom you can really change is yourself, you can only influence your spouse to change but not force a change upon them. So just pointing your finger at your spouse for all the troubles and problems might not really help the situation.
I am in complete agreement that some of the problems in your marriage is certainly and undoubtedly because of something you spouse did or said or did not do. Or simply because of the reason how they are; but please keep in mind that keeping on reiterating this fact might not take you anywhere, but looking into yourself and your relationship deeply will.
2 – Be aware of the pressure and stress points in your relationship:
This is a critical exercise you have to do to know the areas, situations and circumstances that could trigger friction between you and your spouse. So take a look into all the pressure points in your relationship and then ask yourself what you could have done to have prevented that friction. Make sure that you do them the next time you come across the same or the similar situation.
Please understand that this is not the time for being egoistic, prideful and being defensive. So be honest with yourself. Also get answers from your self for questions like, Am I being too much critical for non trivial and unimportant things? Am I trying to make mountains out of molehills?
Know that most of the time, a simple change in attitude and adjustment in your way of thinking can make a huge difference in improving your marriage and will help you overcome most of the problems in your marriage.
3 – Don’t expect perfection from your spouse:
No one is perfect and no one can reach perfection, we all try to get there by constantly changing and improving our self for the better. Now take a hard look at yourself as to how you view and think about your spouse. Are you frustrated and angry because there are certain things that they are not doing the way you would like them to do? Or do they have a tendency to frequently screw things up or not listen to your suggestions and opinions? The list could go on and on. The point here is we all have things that we wish to change in our spouse, I am sure your spouse would also have something similar for you to change. So basically none of us are perfect, we all are kind of OK at varying degrees.
So equip yourself to give your spouse a little leeway when something they do or say disappoints you. You spouse would certainly notice your new attitude towards them and may surely reciprocate the same by overlooking some of your actions or imperfections.
So give each other the liberty and freedom to be wrong sometimes. This can really relieve a lot of pressure that magnifies the problems in marriage.
4 – Don’t assume; but ask to clarify:
There are lots and lots of problems in marriages that are caused when one of the spouses make assumptions about the other. These assumptions usually happen when something that our spouse does hurts or upsets us.
The whole problem starts when the offended spouse “assumes” that the other spouse knew that what they said or did would cause them to get hurt or upset and would create a problem. But in reality they would have been naïve or clueless and are left wondering what happened after the dust has settled.
So make sure that there are no assumptions building up in your marriage and they don’t become a negative influencing aspect of your marriage. Hurts and misunderstandings through these assumptions can be prevented very easily if we make it a point to ask and clarify instead of assuming.
One of the main benefits of this is; the discussions with your spouse that follows will help both of you to learn a lot more about each other and will largely help in reducing any future tensions and problems in your marriage and any misunderstandings.
5 – Don’t hold grudges or have bitterness towards your spouse:
This is in fact the most important one. The reason being, if you keep on holding on to your past hurts, the problems in your marriage would keep coming back again and again. No matter how much effort we put in, if we don’t learn to forgive the past mistakes and the hurts of our spouse, you won’t make any real progress in fixing the issues and problems in your marriage.
This not only applies for you but to your spouse as well. Put the mistakes of the past behind you and do not keep bringing them every time you have an unpleasant argument or whenever you get upset and angry with your partner. If you keep on holding to your grudges and bitterness towards your spouse, you basically are sabotaging the chances to fix the problems in your marriage and having a happy and harmonious married life with them.
Forgiving is never easy, but you HAVE to make that decision. Never get into a mind frame or an attitude saying, ‘I will forgive them but I cannot forget what they did or said to me’. This is in fact an excuse that everyone gives for not letting go of the past mistakes of their spouse and never really forgive them. So LET IT GO.
This 5 point plan will surely help you improve your marriage and help you a lot in dealing with the problems in your marriage. But don’t expect over night results. Like all things in life, the results of applying them to your married life are determined by your effort, patience and perseverance. So being honest with yourself, not making assumptions, letting go of the grudges and forgiving them for their mistakes will give you a very good chance of solving the problems in marriage.
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